bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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