How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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