if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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