In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
