I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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