If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
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Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize