i just had sex bonerless
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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