Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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