My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
