he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
