these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you didnt know i had herpes?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
