her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
