I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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