White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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