I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
