It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
