haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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