It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
