I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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