I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize