It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
