Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He has the fingertips of a God
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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