so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
