Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
