dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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