arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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