does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
