he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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