I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you had me at cake vodka
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
