So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
