college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
