the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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