he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Help. Why am I so naked?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
