So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
