Dude my mom stole all your condoms
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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