Your dad touched me again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
