new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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