I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
