Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize