he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
