I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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