He asked to "fluff my boner.."
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
