she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
