I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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