It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
