Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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