You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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