I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize