It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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