why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
