laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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