she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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