this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I understand Curling. That high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
