oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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