Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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