WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
