A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
