My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
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My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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