You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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