You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
