He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
