I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
