I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The power of my boobs compel you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
