There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
