So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
