I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
