I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
