What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
