Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
