thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
