I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
