If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
