He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
