My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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