Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
